An Online Presence

I've been behaving like it's the end of the world. That's not the same as the end of my freelancing career, is it? I mean, I'll just never have a three month break again that's all - one week if I'm lucky! And why would I want to spring-clean my room during any of these upcoming breaks? Exactly! Which leaves only now to do it. So you can imagine how much my room looks like a warzone at the moment.

Oh no! What other things should I start doing now? Convert all those VHS tapes and cassette tapes digitally? Scan all the paper I have so that I can free up more space? But wait! Would it be too late to learn something new? Brushing up on my French or learning how to paint or draw better would be cool, right? Or cook! No, no... I need to finish editing my novel 'cos I won't have the luxury to write anymore. Why don't I just try do EVERYTHING then? Hang on! I'm not going to be in different plays and musicals anymore. Will I fade into oblivion?

Okay, deep breath! Here's what I managed to achieve. I cleaned up most of my room and made some space. I scanned a good portion of paper. I watched some French movies. I didn't get to painting/drawing or digitizing music/videos. But I finished editing my novel! I'm going to pay some money to get it professionally formatted and edited, then I'll publish it! Meanwhile click here for sample chapters. I also learnt how to produce my own YouTube videos! Who says I'm fading into oblivion. It's the perfect way to express myself creatively.

Reason For Life

I had been feeling listless the past few weeks. I never understood how people got bored. "There's so much to do and no time for it!" I'd always tell them. But yet I managed to slip into boredom and I couldn't shake it off for the longest time or figure it out. I couldn't find any fault with my life. I was occupied acting in a play. I also had enough free time to do whatever I pleased, like reading or watching movies. I had many jobs offers for the following year. But somehow I wasn't motivated to do anything. I had a few suspicions on why this was so. Perhaps life wasn't challenging anymore. There was nothing left to fight for. Perhaps I felt lonely.

Then a few things happened at once that jolted me out of my jaded stupor. On the last night of my play, I saw how everyone had genuinely connected to each other and were also trying to tell me how much they had enjoyed working with me. That touched me. Their sincerity shattered the spell. Suddenly I felt strangely alive again.


I chanced upon a video on YouTube (see above) and it also allowed me to step out of my small bubble and realize a bigger picture. The video was the final piece in a jigsaw that answered how I should live a huge part of my life. Now I have a different philosophy towards how I spend, what I choose to spend on, what I really want to keep, where I put what I don't want, what organisations I will support... This has in turn made me happier living with the informed choices I can make.

I'm still not exactly sure how everything that has happened has directly caused my switch in attitude. My guess is that it has to do with seeing examples of people who are sincerely passionate about something. Now I can go back to being passionate about the things that I'm usually passionate about again.

Manhood

It has been such a self-discovery working on my current play. I enjoy working on productions like this, but they don't come often. This particular one is about Manhood. It's the latest offering from Action Theatre to be staged from Sept 9-19 this year. It examines the definitions of a man from all perspectives... well, as many as we could put into a show.

We have such a great team of people - only four actors, Lim Yu Beng, Claude Girardi, Josephine Tan and myself. Our brilliant director Samantha Scott-Blackhall has allowed for very open discussions in rehearsals and Desmond Sim, the writer, has been very generous with script changes as well.







All in all, I expect it to be a very entertaining evening for everyone. I've learnt so much about myself and my own attitudes about men. About how different and yet similar we actually are. Okay, I'm starting to get philosophical. Just come watch the show for yourself and let us provoke and entertain you with penis jokes, what we think about women, being gay in a straight world, being a father and everything else that men have trouble talking about openly.

Declutter

Whenever life slows down a little, I tell myself it's a much deserved break. But too often I'm reminded of the list of things I have to "catch up" on - reading, movies, friends, clearing emails, organising digital pics, etc. Have I ever caught up with everything? Never.

It occurred to me that I had to make some firm choices if I desired to make better use of my time and only deal with what I really wanted or needed to deal with. My life would be simpler that way.

I guess it has to do with greed. I keep everything and anything that has the slightest ounce of sentimental value or that might be of potential use. It's only natural. But I'm beginning to think that the gatekeeping can be done much earlier on. After all, how much can we take with us to our graves?

I'm not saying we should go against our human desires, throw out everything, ditch our friends and all be robots without souls, in the effort to make the most of time. I still want to enjoy the experience of learning, possessing something of value, being entertained, engaging in idle chatter - all those things. But I want to do it selectively.

Now, as I sort through videos, pictures, magazines, paper, I store the ones I want to keep digitally. I'm less keen in receiving tangible (worse still: ornamental gifts). Some day I plan to give or sell the collector items I own. One day I hope to grow the food I eat, only use the water I collect and consume the energy generated from my solar-panelled roof. This simplifying one's life philosophy also agrees with the environment. It can't be too bad a thing.

When Words Kill

In April alone this year it was reported that two youths took their own lives. Carl Joseph Walker-Hoover, an 11-year-old child, hung himself. Eric Mohat, a 17-year-old, put a gun to his head. These boys are victims of bullying.

Carl and Eric were specifically teased by their peers for being gay, even though there wasn't significant proof that they were. But the point isn't whether or not they were gay. The point is that bullying should not be tolerated or neglected. And it is everyone's responsibility.

There have been other cases. Eighth grader Lawrence King was shot and killed by a fellow student. Matthew Shepard was tortured and murdered at the age of 21. They were all victims of gay-related hate crimes.

The fight for equality isn't specific to just gender or race. It's about each human being having the right to live as an equal. We all deserve that.

Here's Hilary Duff and Wanda Sykes with a message:

And the cast on HAIR on Broadway with another:

Idolatry

The stage lights dim and the curtain falls. The performer slips out of his persona and comes into contact with the real world again. I'm feeling double that effect - now that the two shows I was in have come to a close. As the routine of show schedules trickle away, I am able to look once again from outside in, at showbiz.

Yesterday, I walked past the audition for the third season of Singapore Idol. Four thousand people were in line waiting for their voices to be heard.

Many years back, I stood in that line. What is it about the stage that draws people? The fame? The attention? Like me, many others have had their turn to seduce people into voting for them. What's happened to them now? What's happened to me?

If nothing else, it was a good learning opportunity. My only

hope was for those people in line to take away as many positives from the experience as possible. Nothing else is guaranteed, not especially fame. Fame is too fleeting. It only sticks around if you feed it relentlessly. News is like pastry. It's only good for about a day.

Am I bitter? Hell no! I'm still lucky enough to be performing on stage. But I don't do it for the votes or the judges (least of all the unconstructive Singaporean ones) or to be adored. I do it to communicate - to tickle, entertain, motivate, share and discover (among other good reasons). Any recognition would be a bonus. Any of these pictures of me ring a bell? Didn't think so! ;P

Much Ado About A Book, A Fox and Nothing

You might pardon me for not blogging all this time if you hear me out. Between the last blog entry and this one, I've written/typed at least 60,000 words. Yup, I wrote a book. I haven't published it yet (or found a publisher) and I won't until I've had a trusted group of people read and edit it. I'll be sure to post updates here nonetheless.


In any case, that's on hold for now because after a three month sabbatical, I've eagerly put myself in a situation I haven't been in for a long time - being in two shows that will run concurrently. It is proving to be somewhat trying at times but I do thrive when I'm busiest. So if you can and would like to, catch The Singapore Repertory Theatre's Much Ado About Nothing by Shakespeare performed at Fort Canning Park, Singapore running from May 7th till the end of the month with a possible extension. Also check out Roald Dahl's Fantastic Mr. Fox from May 18th till the end of the month, by Players Theatre.

In the meantime, stay healthy and keep a safe distance from that swine flu.