The Disconnect Of Online

A couple sits at a dinner table but they are playing Words With Friends on their iPhones - with each other nonetheless. A member of the audience in a US cinema is text messaging his friend in Singapore about a movie that hasn’t been released there yet. A boy in front of his computer has one conversation taking place on Facebook, another on MSN and yet another in Google Chat.

What has meant to connect us has seemingly disconnected us more than ever before. I guess it’s arguable. And there is a certain convenience to how connected we’ve become. Yet I’ve personally hit a point where there are too many things competing for my attention because of this convenience, so much so that I have very few moments left in a day which actually have my undivided attention. I suspect I’m probably not the only one.

If I might venture to add, this has translated into a new acceptable behaviour of sorts; where it’s okay to make your friend wait while you finish off a text message; where you can juggle so many conversations, it’s not expected of you to reply right away or even on the same day anymore; where strangers in a virtual chat can ignore your friendliest hello without consequence or their own conscience nagging at them.

As the lines between real and virtual blur, there are choices to be made if we want a firmer grip on what it really means to connect.

Do I Know You?

If you have a favourite celebrity, chances are he or she has become someone who is very familiar to you, like a friend almost. Yet to that celebrity, you are a complete stranger. Strange isn’t it? And even stranger… I recently met a girl who saw an episode of a show I was on. I was sure I wasn’t her favourite celebrity, yet she behaved like she knew me. It threw me off. I happened to be with a friend she knew and the whole time she was just staring and smiling at me. She seemed very comfortable but I was completely awkward.

It’s a funny thing… to think you know someone. I know you because you’ve been on TV. I know you because we have great chemistry. I know you because we have mutual friends. I know you because you are my reflection. How well do we really know the people around us, much less ourselves? Which leads to how much do we really reveal about ourselves?

I lost my brother in October. I realised how much I didn't know him until after his death. Circumstances made me have to read some of his messages to people, sort through his favourite music on his music player and meet his friends. I learnt many new things about him. Part of what I'm saying is don't wait till someone is gone to realise you didn't make the time or effort to get to know a person. The other part of it is, sometimes people don't necessarily reveal to you everything about themselves and that's just the way things are. But the bigger question is... do you know who YOU are? Have you taken the time to understand yourself? And are there things you feel you should share to the people who matter? Don't rob yourself of these chances.

Por Favour

The phrase "I owe you one!" is commonly used because people feel obliged to return a favour. Favours are very interesting things. From my experience, it can get rather complicated. Does it mean I avoid asking for favours? I really try not to but no man is an island, and at some point everyone could use a favour or two.

Unfortunately, different people have different ideas about favours. "I owe you one" is definitely a common standard. And that's okay. After all, psychologists believe people aren't naturally altruistic. But when it comes down to performing a favour, it's difficult to determine where the line is drawn.

Some people agree to favours but lack the commitment so the quality of the favour suffers. Other favours aren't clearly spelt out in the beginning and can grow into an enormous task. Resentment and the breakdown of friendships can result. Personally, I think twice about asking for a favour or doing one. And it's always best to definite them clearly and only commit to them if you can ensure it won't be half-assed (sorry couldn't think of a better word). If you can't commit... don't do it.

When was the last time you did someone a favour in the true sense of the word and not expected anything in return? Try it! If everyone looked at favours that way, there would be no awkward obligation to return them. But of course don't take them for granted.

Types of Stereo

Stereotypes have been discussed to death. They definitely help to make sense of the world around us. But sometimes they can also impair our judgment and no matter how we try not to be influenced by them, most of us find difficulty steering clear. I've got a kind of blues I term as 'The Little Boy Blues'... sort of a Dorian Gray syndrome almost. I look younger than I actually am. For a good part of my life it was okay but lately it's proving to be challenging.

While trying to visit a friend, I was recently stopped on my way into some residential property. The guard at his post beckoned me demeaningly with a finger. After I listened to him tell me it was private property and that I shouldn't just walk in, I told him I was an invited guest that did not see any sign to 'check in'.

I was quite sure that if I were an elderly man, a sexy girl or more formally dressed he would have treated me with more respect. Nonetheless, I sucked it in and explained that his post was poorly positioned in the middle of the road and that it didn't look like I could talk through the seamless glass that covered the front of his booth. He was insistent and told me it was common knowledge that in Singapore you always have to stop by the guard post.

That was it! I refused to be talked down to so I let him have it and told him that no matter what, a visitor still deserves to be treated with respect and not beckoned like a dog. When he realised I was not the little pushover boy that I looked, he finally apologized.

Don't let people pidgeonhole you. Stand your ground and put THEM back in their place. Even if you have to roar surround sound.

Becoming Ms. Powell

I've started to have a new interest in food. That could be THE turning point for a skinny guy like me. Let's hope. Since my domestic helper left, I've been forced to explore a little more since food wasn't going to magically appear when I was hungry or be waiting at home at the end of the day.

My steady job at Universal Studios has also given me the chance to pamper myself a little more and in the process, revive my palate. I used to think I had a poor appetite and wondered how people could eat so much even when they were full. Now I know it's just that I have expensive taste. Boy! Put good food in front of me and I become a bottomless pit. I recently ate at two great places in one day. Marché at Vivo City Singapore is a delightful haven of festive food fare (paella pictured right). They've improved their selection too, since their move from the Heeren. Fiesta at the Festive Hotel at Resorts World Singapore has perfected Brazilian fine dining to a tee (appetizer pictured far right).

A recent musical presentation (pictured far above) about food also inspired me to get my own hands dirty in the kitchen. I found my way to the monthly Farmers' Market at Loewen Gardens (in the rain) and bought some gigantic organic mushrooms. Back home, I searched the internet for the best way to store them, stored them, took a short nap, watched a "how to make mushroom soup video" on YouTube and made my most favourite mushroom soup to date! Voila... I've become a mini Julie Powell from "Julie and Julia" - blogging and all.

Falling In Place

Things are better now. I'm able to speak my mind freely without feeling guilty about it and still remain the generous guy that I thought I couldn't be anymore if I decided to be a firmer person. I recently watched "Food Inc" and am reading "Blink" by Malcolm Gladwell. I recommend both for the new perspectives I've gained. I can't begin to summarize everything about the movie and the book here, but I can share my thoughts.

Most of us have lived our lives in our small bubbles without really being aware of many things. What we don't realize is that more and more we can break out of this bubble, with awareness. Because with that awareness comes empowerment. This day and age has given us the tools to think and act for ourselves. But with it comes a huge responsibility - to ourselves, humanity and the environment. Don't just go with the flow. That's not living life.

Take a step back every once a while. Question things. Where does my food come from? What am I supporting when I buy this food? Am I feeding my body what it really needs? Where does my trash go? How is it affecting the earth? How am I able to buy this item at such a low price? Who else paid for it and how did they pay for it? You'll be surprised how these answers will affect you. I read recently that my favourite actor Jason Scott Lee only spends eight thousand dollars a year and he is totally happy.

Where The Grass Is Greener

I used to sit on the fence a lot. It was my favourite seat. It gave me perspective. It gave me options. Sitting on spikes was a small price to pay. But lately, I've been playing on the side where the grass is greener and it is starting to scare me. I can't decide if I'm devouring the green grass or if I'm nurturing it.

I've lost two important people in my life. Betrayal might be too strong a word for it, so let's just say it falls somewhere between that and unfaithfulness. Also, my maid of 24 years recently left the household. The family has been so used to having her around the transition hasn't been easy. But whatever the case, I've been forced off the fence - forced to toughen up or sink in helplessness. I've chosen to be tough.

However, with my new attitude, I can't decide if I'm actually standing up for what I believe in or finding fault in others. Take for example a bus load of people who refuse to move to the back so that others can get in. People can be so insensitive. Why should I have any more tolerance for it? I know I come from a good place when I yell at them (Yes, I did). But it also makes me feel like a monster. What does a person do? I can't decide which is more painful - sitting back on the spikes of the fence or looking in the mirror and seeing a monster. HELP!